Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Jokes and funny stories about vegetarians and vegans or by them. :)
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CoffeehousePoet
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Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 18, 2016 10:30 am

How do you get hold of a spiritually enlightened avocado?

You shout, "Holy Guacamole!"
Last edited by CoffeehousePoet on Oct 18, 2016 10:37 am, edited 2 times in total.
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 18, 2016 10:34 am

Why can't you get hold of some of the orange vegetables?

It's because they don't carrot all.
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 19, 2016 10:26 am

I got a joke about a root vegetable. Would anyone like to hear it?

"Beet it, pal!"
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 23, 2016 1:20 pm

1st VegTalk member: " I don't know if I can stand to read any more of these stupid puns."

2nd VegTalk member: "I sure hope that another one doesn't turnip."
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 28, 2016 2:21 pm

What do you say to a green onion who buys you a drink at a bar just before last call?

You would probably shay, "Thanx shallot...(hic)!" -- :drunken:
Last edited by CoffeehousePoet on Feb 19, 2017 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 29, 2016 2:07 pm

1st VegTalk member: "Can you use the formula, 'pi r squared,' to determine the area of a pumpkin?"

2nd VegTalk member: "I doubt it. Pie are round."
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 31, 2016 2:10 pm

It's Halloween! I hope everyone has a gourd time tonight.
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 1, 2016 12:08 pm

What do veggies who demonstrate at an anti-war rally chant?

"Give peas a chance, man!"
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 2, 2016 9:07 am

Turmeric is an excellent cancer-fighter. If you like adding turmeric to your Brussels sprouts, then why not sprinkle the spice on them twice. I mean, turmerics should be better than one, right?
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 9:00 am

What famous garden plant sings rock 'n roll songs and almost always says "thank you very much" when acknowledging applause?

That would be Elvis Parsley, of course. -- :roll:
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 3:18 pm

*THIS POST IS CLASSIFIED*

mung turtle mung
garbanzo soy pinto pinto
fava fava
lima kidney navy navy
pinto lima lima
soy

soy garbanzo
turtle

Forum coordinator: "It looks like CoffeehousePoet spilled the beans."
Last edited by CoffeehousePoet on Nov 3, 2016 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 7:18 pm

Vegan Humor critic: "I don't like any of these jokes. They're too corny."

Forum's chief editor: "Squash 'em all, I say."
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 7:34 pm

CoffehousePoet: "Did you hear the one about the... "

:violent1:

Concerned emoji: "Stop it Coffeehouse! VegTalk members don't wanna read any more of your stupid jokes so stop posting them! Just STOP!!!!"
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 9:17 pm

:o "Holy smokes! What's with the violence, man?"
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 9:22 pm

:tongue7: "I'm outta here!"
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 27, 2016 9:52 pm

:fucyc:
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 27, 2016 10:00 pm

Once upon a time, in a garden not so very far away, there grew a pumpkin who fell in love with a melon. They wanted to run off and get married, but they couldn't because both of them were securely attached to a vine. One day, the melon decided to accept her fate so she said to the pumpkin, "I'm sorry, but I just can't cantaloupe."
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Dec 2, 2016 3:22 pm

:o -- Iceberg! Iceberg! We're in a Titanic pickle but lettuce romaine calm, :help: will turnip soon.

(I came across this one online somewhere. Sorry, I couldn't resist posting it on Vegan Humor. -- :roll: )
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Dec 3, 2016 10:52 pm

Re: December 25th, 2016

"Cherry Christmas, everyone!" -- :cherry:
If you want to save the world, then being vegan is perhaps the best thing that you can do to help save it.

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 5, 2017 1:10 pm

I ate January the 5th. Sorry 'bout that. I thought it was a date. -- :toothy5:
"Alrighty then." -- Ace Ventura, pet detective :glasses7:

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 10, 2017 12:42 pm

:cat: :cat: :cat:
FRIES FRIES

I like to put cats up on my fries.
"Alrighty then." -- Ace Ventura, pet detective :glasses7:

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 12, 2017 11:04 pm

THIS COFFEE IS COMPLIMENTARY --- ENJOY!


:coffee2: - "Well, hello there viewer! You look like a real smart cookie. I bet you know what's what."
"Alrighty then." -- Ace Ventura, pet detective :glasses7:

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 12, 2017 11:35 pm

:cherry: - "Ha! Ha! Ha! Watcha look'n at dork?"


The cherry is a stone fruit like coffee is, but it doesn't look like this one is very complimentary at all.
"Alrighty then." -- Ace Ventura, pet detective :glasses7:

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SantaClaws
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby SantaClaws » Mar 5, 2017 9:26 am

Why did the potatoes argue?

Because they didn't see eye to eye.
"Life is a roar!" -- Ushiro Shinohara, art world bad boy

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fooge
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby fooge » Mar 10, 2017 9:36 am

Patient with a zucchini up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear:

"Help me doc! What's wrong with me?"

Doctor:

"I don't think you're eating properly."
"World Peace begins in the kitchen." -- anonymous

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LoudBard
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LoudBard » May 11, 2017 2:34 pm

If your boyfriend is always making you cry, you have to ask yourself --- is he your boyfriend or an onion?
"We will be known for the tracks we leave." -- Native American Proverb


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