Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Jokes and funny stories about vegetarians and vegans or by them. :)
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CoffeehousePoet
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Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 18, 2016 10:30 am

How do you get hold of a spiritually enlightened avocado?

You shout, "Holy Guacamole!"
Last edited by CoffeehousePoet on Oct 18, 2016 10:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 18, 2016 10:34 am

Why can't you get hold of some of the orange vegetables?

It's because they don't carrot all.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 19, 2016 10:26 am

I got a joke about a root vegetable. Would anyone like to hear it?

"Beet it, pal!"

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 23, 2016 1:20 pm

1st VegTalk member: " I don't know if I can stand to read any more of these stupid puns."

2nd VegTalk member: "I sure hope that another one doesn't turnip."

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 28, 2016 2:21 pm

What do you say to a green onion who buys you a drink at a bar just before last call?

You would probably shay, "Thanx shallot...(hic)!" -- :drunken:
Last edited by CoffeehousePoet on Feb 19, 2017 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 29, 2016 2:07 pm

1st VegTalk member: "Can you use the formula, 'pi r squared,' to determine the area of a pumpkin?"

2nd VegTalk member: "I doubt it. Pie are round."

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Oct 31, 2016 2:10 pm

It's Halloween! I hope everyone has a gourd time tonight.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 1, 2016 12:08 pm

What do veggies who demonstrate at an anti-war rally chant?

"Give peas a chance, man!"

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 2, 2016 9:07 am

Turmeric is an excellent cancer-fighter. If you like adding turmeric to your Brussels sprouts, then why not sprinkle the spice on them twice. I mean, turmerics should be better than one, right?

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 9:00 am

What famous garden plant sings rock 'n roll songs and almost always says "thank you very much" when acknowledging applause?

That would be Elvis Parsley, of course. -- :roll:

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 3:18 pm

*THIS POST IS CLASSIFIED*

mung turtle mung
garbanzo soy pinto pinto
fava fava
lima kidney navy navy
pinto lima lima
soy

soy garbanzo
turtle

Forum coordinator: "It looks like CoffeehousePoet spilled the beans."
Last edited by CoffeehousePoet on Nov 3, 2016 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 7:18 pm

Vegan Humor critic: "I don't like any of these jokes. They're too corny."

Forum's chief editor: "Squash 'em all, I say."

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 7:34 pm

CoffehousePoet: "Did you hear the one about the... "

:violent1:

Concerned emoji: "Stop it Coffeehouse! VegTalk members don't wanna read any more of your stupid jokes so stop posting them! Just STOP!!!!"

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 9:17 pm

:o "Holy smokes! What's with the violence, man?"

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 3, 2016 9:22 pm

:tongue7: "I'm outta here!"

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 27, 2016 9:52 pm

:fucyc:

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Nov 27, 2016 10:00 pm

Once upon a time, in a garden not so very far away, there grew a pumpkin who fell in love with a melon. They wanted to run off and get married, but they couldn't because both of them were securely attached to a vine. One day, the melon decided to accept her fate so she said to the pumpkin, "I'm sorry, but I just can't cantaloupe."

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Dec 2, 2016 3:22 pm

:o -- Iceberg! Iceberg! We're in a Titanic pickle but lettuce romaine calm, :help: will turnip soon.

(I came across this one online somewhere. Sorry, I couldn't resist posting it on Vegan Humor. -- :roll: )

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CoffeehousePoet
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby CoffeehousePoet » Dec 3, 2016 10:52 pm

Re: December 25th, 2016

"Cherry Christmas, everyone!" -- :cherry:

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 5, 2017 1:10 pm

I ate January the 5th. Sorry 'bout that. I thought it was a date. -- :toothy5:

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 10, 2017 12:42 pm

:cat: :cat: :cat:
FRIES FRIES

I like to put cats up on my fries.

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 12, 2017 11:04 pm

THIS COFFEE IS COMPLIMENTARY --- ENJOY!


:coffee2: - "Well, hello there viewer! You look like a real smart cookie. I bet you know what's what."

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LULZmouse
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LULZmouse » Jan 12, 2017 11:35 pm

:cherry: - "Ha! Ha! Ha! Watcha look'n at dork?"


The cherry is a stone fruit like coffee is, but it doesn't look like this one is very complimentary at all.

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SantaClaws
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby SantaClaws » Mar 5, 2017 9:26 am

Why did the potatoes argue?

Because they didn't see eye to eye.

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fooge
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby fooge » Mar 10, 2017 9:36 am

Patient with a zucchini up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear:

"Help me doc! What's wrong with me?"

Doctor:

"I don't think you're eating properly."

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LoudBard
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby LoudBard » May 11, 2017 2:34 pm

If your boyfriend is always making you cry, you have to ask yourself --- is he your boyfriend or an onion?

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expialidocious
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Re: Fruit & Veggie Jokes

Postby expialidocious » Jun 9, 2018 8:12 am

Image


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