by trefeda » May 4, 2007 6:54 am
Sort of inspirational, but funny...
'Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?'
-Jules Feiffer
'Where the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1 1/2 tons.'
-Popular Mechanics, March 1949
'Sure, your guilt might force you to vote Democrat, but secretly deep down inside you long for the Republicans to lower your taxes, ignore the poor, brutalize prisoners, dictate what goes on in your bedrooms and rule you with an iron fist.'
-Sideshow Bob
'There are a thousand forms of subversion, but few can equal the convenience and immediacy of a cream pie.'
-Noel Godin
'Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.'
'People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do.'
'Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.'
-Jack Handey
'I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.'
-Ogden Nash
'In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.'
'A friend is someone who will help you move; A good friend is someone who will help you move a body.'
'Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.'
-Mark Twain
'Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.'
-Redd Foxx
'There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.''
'What is originality? Undetected plagiarism.'
-Dean William Ralph Inge
'A witty saying proves nothing.'
-Voltaire
'Efficiency is intelligent laziness.'
-David Dunham
'Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.'
-Robert Heinlein
'Do unto others what has been done to you.'
-Maynard James Keenan
'Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.'
-Douglas Adams