Vegan Forum

Sorry for offtopic! Timeoff, people! bunch of jokes I've found!
Hilarious stuff I wanna share with you .

The Blondes .

1 . Q . What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make .
A . A wind tunnel .

2 . Q . How do you amuse a blonde for hours .
A . Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper .

3 . Q . When is a blonde going to say something smart .
A . When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me . . .

4 . Q . What do you call a blonde with half a brain .
A . Gifted .

5 . Q . What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette .
A . Artificial intelligence .

6 . Q . Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks .
A . It takes too long to retrain them .

7 . Q . What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg .
A . Nothing . They've never met .


Here is another good one .
Questions and answers about men .

1 . Q . What do you call a man with half a brain .
A . Gifted .

2 . Q . What is the thinnest book in the world .
A . "What Men Know About Women . "

3 . Q . How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb .
A . One . . . men will screw anything .

4 . Q . How does a man take a bubble bath .
A . He eats beans for dinner .

5 . Q . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper .
A . We don't know . . . . it's never happened . . .

6 . Q . What is a man's idea of helping with the housework .
A . Lifting his leg so you can vacuum .

7 . Q . What's the difference between a man and E . T . .
A . E . T . phoned home .

8 . Q . What did God say after creating man .
A . I can do better .

9 . Q . What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own business .
A . 1 . No mind . 2 . No business .

10 . Q . How is a man like a snowstorm .
A . Because you don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get, and how long it'll stay .

11 . Q . Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking .
A . Because those men already have boyfriends .

13 . Q . How do men sort their laundry .
A . "Filthy" and Filthy but wearable"

14 . Q . Husband . "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've go nothing to put in it . "
A . Wife . "You wear briefs, don't you . "


And the last one the funniest . . .

Girls vs boys .

Girls' English .

1 . Yes . = No .
2 . No . = Yes .
3 . Maybe . = No .
4 . "It's your decision . " = The correct decision should be obvious by now .
5 . "Do what u want . " = You'll pay 4 this later .
6 . "We need to talk . " = I need to bitch .
7 . Sure . Go ahead . = I don't want you too .
8 . I'm not upset . = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron .
9 . How much do u love me? = I did something today your not goin' like me 4 .
10 . Is my butt fat? = Tell me i'm beautiful .
11 . You have to learn to communicate! = Just agree with me .
12 . Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead .

Guy's English .

1 . I'm hungry . = I'm hungry .
2 . I'm sleepy . = I'm sleepy .
3 . I'm tired . = I'm tired .
4 . Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you .
5 . Can I take you to dinner? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you .
6 . Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you .
7 . May I have this dance? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you .
8 . Nice dress . = Nice cleavage .
9 . You look tensed, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you .
10 . What's wrong? = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?
11 . What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question .
12 . I'm bored . = Do you want to have sex?
13 . I love you . = Let's have sex right now .
14 . I love you too . = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!
15 . Let's talk . = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!
16 . Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegel 4 you to have sex with other guys .

Did you like it?



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Tougher race hate laws considered

The government is considering whether race hate laws should be revised after BNP leader Nick Griffin was cleared of charges relating to speeches he made.
A jury decided speeches by Mr Griffin and party activist Mark Collett in 2004 had not incited racial hatred.
Home Secretary John Reid said he would consult ministers after Gordon Brown and the Lord Chancellor, Lord Falconer, called for current laws to be reviewed.
But Lib Dem MP Evan Harris said tighter laws could be counter-productive.
Mr Griffin, 46 and from Powys, had denied at a retrial two charges of using words or behaviour intended to stir up racial hatred .

Secret filming

Mr Collett, 26 and from Leicestershire, was cleared of four similar charges.
The pair were charged in 2005 in the wake of the secretly filmed BBC documentary The Secret Agent, which had been broadcast a year earlier.
The Leeds Crown Court jury heard extracts from a speech Mr Griffin made in the Reservoir Tavern in Keighley, West Yorkshire, on 19 January 2004, in which he described Islam as a "wicked, vicious faith" and said Muslims were turning Britain into a "multi-racial hell hole".
Mr Collett addressed the audience by saying: "Let's show these ethnics the door in 2004."
A Home Office spokesman said Mr Reid would "think carefully and take time to study and reflect on this [court] judgement and its implications, including taking soundings from his ministerial colleagues".
But the minister believed the "poisonous politics of race" could be defeated only by argument, politics and community engagement, the spokesman added.
Legislation banning the use of threatening words to incite religious hatred came into force earlier this week.
"Parliament has only recently discussed and decided on new laws in this area," the spokesman said.
"But obviously we want to make sure legislation is effective and even-handed."
In the wake of the BNP pair's acquittals, Chancellor Mr Brown said: "Any preaching of religious or racial hatred will offend mainstream opinion in this country.
"We have got to do whatever we can to root it out from whatever quarter it comes.
"And if that means we have got to look at the laws again, we will have to do so."
Lord Falconer later told BBC Radio 4's Any Questions? that the government had to show young Muslims, without compromising freedom, that Britain was not anti-Islamic.
Muslims had been offended by Mr Griffin's remarks and must be reassured the law would protect them, he said.

'Racist party'

Freedom of speech should not be an excuse for people to insult an entire community, Lord Falconer added.
But Dr Harris, who is on the influential joint select committee on human rights, said: "Although I am disappointed these members of a racist party were not successfully prosecuted for race hate given their attacks on Asians and asylum seekers, Parliament must resist the temptation for more restrictions on freedom of expression."

He added that extending restrictions "can be counter-productive by either creating extremist martyrs or being impossible to enforce".
Dr Harris argued there were "enough laws to deal with speech which actually incites to violence or other criminal offences, or which uses threatening language".
"There must be room in a free society to allow even offensive criticism of religions and their followers," he added.
After the not guilty verdicts, Mr Griffin said: "What has just happened shows Tony Blair and the government toadies at the BBC that they can take our taxes but they cannot take our hearts, they cannot take our tongues and they cannot take our freedom."
In a statement, the BBC said its job was to bring matters of public interest to general attention.
"In this case the matters raised in The Secret Agent were seen by a large section of the public and caused widespread concern," it read.